2004-05-11 - 3:12 p.m.
It�s always late when my mind seems to open up onto its self. I feel the seconds slide by,
One by one they pass me as I try and reach out to grab them. Why is it I always feel as if my time is too short, almost as if I am being chased and I have to keep moving or I will be caught?
The hardest thing for me is to be content with the present and not wonder if I could be doing more or if I may be wasting those seconds I know are lost to me even as I try and grasp them.
I think at this point in the life of Alexander he had already conquered the world, what if I do nothing but live an ordinary life and die without even a small role on the stage, which I walk across and soon will exit. No one wants to exit unknown, a failure at this one chance of living that we are given.
Have I picked a path, which will lead to some kind of mental rest, or will I always be hunted by the longoleers.
My time demons that affect al my choices and keep me moving. Complacency would probably be the death of me though here I have for the most part dealt well with the slowed down pace. I keep thinking that
If I can affect a whole country then I have spent the time well. I know though that soon I will have to think of more things to do to keep me occupied on the now. To keep those seconds in check and to not need to keep moving. The burning question will be soon, what goes on next? What to do when this is done. Unfortunately every choice takes time, each action burns away at the candle and locks me into a path.
This is what drove men to search for the fountain of youth. They wanted to take all the paths available without the guilt or regret of choosing the wrong one. The truly hard part is enjoying every path you take without regards to whether it was the best one. So now I sit here relaxing the fire in my wind has subsided and I will stop for a second and enjoy this breath and this thought and know that in that enjoyment is sanctuary.
